Saturday, July 5, 2014

Interview on Marriage

Question: If you fell deeply in love with someone, would you marry them if they met your criteria for a good spouse?
Why should I have to marry them? If they felt the same way about me then we should be secure in our love for each other. I don’t have to put a ring on it to cement our love. Besides, a ring and a marriage certificate wouldn’t intensify my love for them. The way I see it, people think marriage is a guarantee or an assurance that their spouse wouldn’t up and leave them in the darkest night, but that’s an inaccurate and absurd notion. If they loved you, they’d be there through thick and thin – just like a true friend. I’m not married to my best friend, but I can count on her support and presence should I find myself in a jam. Marriage to me is a somewhat selfish agreement.

Question: Are you’re saying it’s a means to an end?
Yes. Marriage can be likened to sex. In the minds of the naïve, marriage and sex are often associated with people who are in love, but in reality we know that’s not the case. People don’t have to be head-over-heels in love to be married, the same goes with sex. For what it's worth, marriage is used in the same way sex is used to procure something or to satisfy a need.

Question: Would you mind elaborating on your last sentence?
A friend of mine who just got married said to me in confidence, after her engagement, that she wasn’t in love with her fiancé, but was only marrying him to get away from her family. She hated living at home with her parents, but couldn’t afford to rent a place of her own, so the only options for her were to find a better paying job or marry someone with one. As luck would have it, she found someone with a cushy job and a nice home. For her, marriage was her ticket out of hell.
There’s also a friend of a friend who married into a political family. In his case, he was looking for an avenue into the world of politics which he found through marriage.
So you see it’s evident that marriage is a selfish agreement. It’s a means to an end.

Question: Do you think marriage is a contract of sorts?
Definitely! As with any relationship, people go into a marriage with written and unwritten rules that both parties have to abide by and respect. However, what makes marriage a bizarre institution is that people make these senseless vows at the altar that are untenable. How can you agree to remain with someone ‘for better or worse’ even when they treat you like dirt? How can you stay with someone who thinks you’re a punching bag?
People think marriage insures them against abandonment from the slightest altercation or provocation, but it doesn’t. What society needs to understand is that if the primary needs or obligations of the parties involved aren’t met, then just like any contract, the terms of the marriage have to be reworked or renegotiated; otherwise the marriage will end in divorce.

Question: Are you anti-marriage?
No, not at all. I’m anti-deceit. I don’t believe people marry for love, but society is hell-bent on telling us otherwise. If someone told me that love was their sole motive for marriage, I’d ask them what it is they fear. Society should quit telling us that cohabiting couples are defective or that their love or relationship isn’t genuine simply because they don’t have a marriage certificate. As a society, we ought to stop looking at unmarried couples or kids from such unions with contempt.

Question: Do you have any last words on marriage?
A marriage certificate is a psychological placebo. It creates the illusion of commitment, but the key ingredient to any lasting relationship is morals. Marriage per se doesn’t keep warring factions together, morals do. It’s morals that make parents responsible towards their children regardless of their marital status; not marriage. Marriage doesn’t make people more tolerant of their spouse’s idiosyncrasies or differing perspectives; love does. Marriage doesn’t prevent one from cheating on one's partner, morals do. So if you’re banking on marriage to keep your lover from going rogue, you’ve got another think coming.